She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
