If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
