My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
