I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
