Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
