Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
