just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
