Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
