His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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