TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
