Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
