I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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