I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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