Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
