I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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