She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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