So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
