shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want to have your abortion
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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