didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
