your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
