On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
