You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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