my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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