I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sorry about my life...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
