Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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