Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
