Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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