Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
