All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
