Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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