the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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