420 ftw
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
