I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
