I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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