Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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