You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
