found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
