Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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