yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
