My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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