your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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