just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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