woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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