Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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