i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
