another moral hangover. fuck.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
