The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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