You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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