why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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