Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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