Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
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As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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