That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
