That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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