Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
