Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
