i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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