Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
