i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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