I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
