My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If I die, sorry about rent.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
