He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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