I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
