Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
