Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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