I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
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We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
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I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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