Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
