she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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