dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
