I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
