If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
