I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
