man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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