i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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