I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
