And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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