Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
