Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
