I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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