i will never coherently bang her
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
