Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
