So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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