me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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