I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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