If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
