I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
nutella sex= disaster
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize