I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
